Oh, and when Hulk comes back – he’s not coming alone.
As TNA grows, so does the talent. So that means Sting, Kevin Nash, Kurt Angle, and Booker T. Maybe some people have forgotten, but I haven’t! Three of the guys that I named were probably responsible for one wrestling company going out of business!
AJ mangles the English language worse than President Bush!
There once was a girl named Taylor, who went to a school called Baylor; She scored first rank in the class of skank ’cause the whole football team nailed her!
There’s not going to be a glass ceiling in TNA like in some of these other wrestling organizations
You crazy kids nowadays with 6 sided rings. Back in my day, we had 2 sided rings made out of sheepskin and cow testicles.
Every single one of you – you’re spoiled! Back in my day we used to have to drive to the matches – 500 miles each way, 6 to a car, and in the winter time, the heater didn’t work!
It’s two smoking hot chicks on one… Like a video!
[Hulk Hogan] is almost 60 years old, and he’s a pathological storyteller. In his new book, he claims he used to wrestle 400 nights a year, because he would fly back from Japan to Madison Square Garden and wrestle there across the International Date Line.
What? Do you think Hogan’s going to get you a run with the European belt, D’Lo?! Gah!
I became a laughing stock at the end of my [WWE] career. A trainer to these barbie dolls! How humiliating is that for me?!
I’ve got some old band mates of mine that are going to have a little practice. We’re thinking of putting the band back together. I gotta go…
Those are the two greatest wrestlers in the business today!
I love that kid!
Another name I probably won’t remember in the morning.
Shut up! Shut up before I stomp the rest of the nature out of your ass!
He must have never heard of Mike Adamle.
You still suck! You still suck! You still suck!
Business is about to pick up.
Tonight, when your mommy lays you two in bed and you lay there asleep spooning each other, dry humping your SpongeBob SquarePants blanket, you’ll be having nightmares about the beating the Motor City Machine Guns will inflict on you tonight.
It’s not the Four Horsemen. It’s the same fingers, but it’s Fortune. It’s TNA – and it’s time for a change!
Well, Flair’s got one shoe on by the way.
Wow! Wow! Wow! You don’t know what sixty minutes is! You don’t know what sixty minutes is in the bedroom or the ring!
They told me to… They were the ones that told me to break Jeff Hardy into two. They were the ones who told me to destroy anything that gets in my path. Hulk, they’re coming and they’re going to be here sooner than you think!
And when they get here – there is nothing that you, or Eric Bischoff, or Dixie Carter, or even the “Immortal” Hulk Hogan are going to be able to do to stop it!
A.J. Styles: What’s this?! Is this my package?!
Kazarian: That’s not your package, it’s way too big.
Clearly, you’ve been taking your dumb blond pills again!
iMPACT Zone, we’re going extreme!
Good evening, assholes.
This is your fault! This is all your fault!
Does this look like some rat-infested bingo hall? No! This is TNA!
Ten years ago it was fun, yeah, when all of the fat virgins were cheering for them in the bingo halls!
Make this right. Make this right! You don’t want us making this right…
I think when Detroit needed heroes most, we were there.
My focus right now is to tear Angelina Love’s hair out of her head and get my title back.
With wrestling, people need to realize is the best stories come from reality. It’s there – you don’t have to change it.
Dixie Carter! Run and hide! Be ashamed of who you are! Bringing this trash, bringing this trash in front of me and Hulk Hogan?!
AJ, AJ, AJ… You may have helped build this house, but make no mistake – I own it. And this is my house.
Hey! Hey! I’m talking to YOU, good looking!
You shut up! Whoo! You shut up! Whoo! You shut up! Whoo!!!
I would have kept what we had for ourselves and kept you the hell out of it!
Come on you son of a bitch! You’re going to visit your buddy Rob Van Dam in the hospital morgue!
We ARE the better men, we ARE the better athletes, we ARE the better wrestlers, and that’s the bottom line!
There’s a certain part of me that’s very glad that I enjoy pain in a certain masochistic bizarre way. But that was brutal, that was beyond enjoyment, that was embarrassing, it was humiliating…
It’s about jealousy. You see? We were on the sidelines for ten years and we still got it.
What an asshole…
You are drop dead gorgeous. Almost to the point of being sultry. Why don’t you and I go back to the hotel and figure this out like two adults?
Come on AJ! Don’t run. I know you’re faster – I’ve got a bad leg. And you’re a pussy!
And you’re not cool by the way. You’re not cool.
And for all you wannabe Beautiful People girls out there – you know exactly who I’m talking about – get a life. You will never be us.
I get it. Okay. You think Magnus and I fancy each other, right? You think we’re a couple of puffs?
As far as I can see, we’re the only fellas in the ring with a bird!
Maybe you two should focus a little less on making your stupid jokes and a little more on growing some hair on your nuts!
And if you’re such a “big” man, then how come she always has a lousy look on her face? I’m just sayin’!
She needs the income just like any other hard working call girl!
Tell these wankers how I rock your world! Tell these wankers how I’m the “biggest” man this side of the pond!
The biggest? If there were a sword fight in this ring right now, let’s just say that your weapon would fall a little short…
I want to co-create reality with you guys.
I don’t know if it’s the pain threshold or Mother Nature catching up to me, but I can’t do the things I used to do.
They’re just up a bunch of washed up, rehabbed up morons!
There’ve been a lot of outsiders in TNA and the ratings? Where did they go? Let me tell you where they went. They plummeted.
She is and always has been nothing but my bitch.
God, I love it when you assholes make some noise.
You know we don’t sit back there every night and swing from the boss’ nuts. Well, I mean, technically that would be impossible, but you know what I’m saying!
What do you want to talk about, asshole?
You?! You?! The best selling author, father of the year, couch potato, want to wrestle Ric Flair live?! Really?!
The answer is YES you son of a bitch!
And one of your best friends, Tommy Dreamer, who I respect as a man told me on this show that I AM hardcore you stupid bastard!
Pope: Riddle me this, riddle me that, who’s the guy with the big black bat?
Taz: That’d be Sting.
Pope: Wrong again! Ask Tessmacher and she’ll tell ya it’s the Pope!
What the hell are you doing here you stupid bitch?!
I haven’t felt this good in a long time. Certainly many months and I’d go out and say probably a few years.
I was put in a position where I have to work with Eric and Hulk… everybody knows the history… You want to believe that people change… but you know what? Sometimes there are old wounds that will never go away.
On a personal level, if I had the opportunity for Eric and Hulk to leave TNA tomorrow, I would be all over that opportunity, but unfortunately that’s not my call.
Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff are driven by money and power – it’s always been that way. Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan don’t care who they step on in order to get what they want.
Well, it seems like the audience loves them!
Oh my God. Oh my nuts!
You look like Pocahontas!
Looking for a bitch named Cookie – I heard she’s talking shit!
I would love to put my lollipop in your mouth.
Get your ass in the back! He’s got a fucked up neck!
I just want to get one word in, sorry, I’m sitting here with a headset on, too.
Look at him he’s fist-pumping there. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Mike Tenay: Quite a package isn’t it?
Taz: Well, I don’t go that way, but he’s a good-looking kid.
Wow. They can’t even get face-to-face, there’s no room.
Take your fake ass weave, your fake nails, and your very fake dollar store fun bags and go crawl back into the hole you came out of – this is our house, bitch!
Garden State cat fight!
You little smug shit.
The Beautiful People are awesome and they are hot! I, uhhh, I have a thing for their boobs.
Well you know what? Seeds and paranoia – that’s right up Van Dam’s alley!
Hopefully it’s not some bad ass looking to take out an MMA guy.
We are assholes! We are assholes!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! My man Robbie! I love him!
Jersey’s in the house, bitches!
I’m sorry Angelina. I didn’t mean to startle you. My name is Winter. I’m a great admirer of yours. I’ve waited a long time to meet you.
Madison Rayne comes storming through the backstage area…
Chris Sabin: Wow, wow. Wouldya?
Alex Shelley: No. No. No.
Chris Sabin: Me neither.
Jeff Hardy: You know let me ask you a question – why do people watch ReAction?
Jason Hervey: Because it’s real.
Jeff Hardy: No. Because Jeff fucking Hardy is on it.
We’re from Jersey – she put her hands on me? She’s going to regret it!
She’s the original? I’m the new generation (of Knockout).
I want five minutes alone with that red-headed bitch.
I’ll take the last two. Try to get me her phone number.
I’ve been here since the beginning… so don’t fuck with me!
I heard you had a pair but I didn’t know anything about a team!
And then, and then – a little birdie got inside the boss’ head, got inside the boss’ ear and said, “Heyyy, uhhh… I think, I think Kenny might be a little too funny. I don’t think he’s ready for it.”
Oh, and by the way, this asshole just because the TNA World Heavyweight Champion! And I’m not saying I couldn’t have done it without you guys because I could. But I have to thank all of you assholes.
Matt Morgan: The only reason that you’re wearing that title around your waist right now Ken…
Mr. Anderson: It’s not on my waist.
Matt Morgan: …is because I let myself down this past Sunday at Genesis.
Maybe she’s got man hands – Maybe she’s got big hands for a hot chick. Some chicks have man hands.
Poor Kurt. Did you like that, Taz? Did you like that?
We’ve seen Flair have issues with referee Brian Hebner’s Dad, Earl Hebner, back in the 1930′s and 40′s.
You ungrateful son of a bitch!
Bastards! You bastards!
You punk ass midget!
You put a million dollar company out of business!
You were hiring guys that didn’t deserve to be in wrestling in the first place!
Now if you really want to hear what the legal ruling was today, Dixie – and by the way there’s a Holiday Inn right down the road, baby…
I think it’s safe to say that I now control 100% of TNA!
We used you, Dixie. Eric and I used you to get right back on top of the wrestling business.
The only thing that you have left is your dignity – and like they say in Nashville, ‘We’re fixin’ to take that away right now, too!’
Now you’re talking to God. Don’t ever crack at Hulk Hogan. You kiss his ass, you kiss my ass, and you keep walking!
Taz: Ha ha – oh my God. Uhhh… Well that’s, yeah – we saw this earlier. That’s Eric Young, the ringbearer and the, uhhh, person in the flip flops and the – whatever the hell he’s wearing – that’s Orlando Jordan. I guess he’s the ring – what do you call the girl-guy – what do you call it?
Tenay: I think we got it.
Taz: Thank you. Yeah. This is just crazy on like a million different levels.
You never experienced a pro wrestling wedding before? They happen all the time. They never go well.
Layout for Father Prichard…
Kurt’s face is priceless!
Aww, he can’t find the ring, bro. Look at this – it’s in his shoe. Why wouldn’t it be?
Tenay: Hey Taz, does this look familiar? Because the New York Jets – they’ve been tapping out since 1969!
Taz: Ah, real classy, Mike. That was real classy.
You’ve got a great physique. You’re no Mag Daddy, but you know – you look well. Here’s where we’re different – I’m not carrying Kurt Angle’s bags around.
Hey! Let me know the next time you slam a 700 pound giant! Asshole…
It’s like the Oddities!
Pope’s gonna take it to the stre – if you step on my shoe one more time…
Don’t steal my lines, first of all.
I did that a week ago and if you don’t like it – tough shit!
Don’t you ever put your damn hands on me again. If you do I will suspend your ass for 90 days. Minimum!
I promise you – the decision stands… ASSHOLE!
Everybody knows he’s in the business of screwing people for a long time!
Is that what you call disrespect? Taking my headpiece off, throwing it at me, and then running away like a little bitch?
I don’t even know who you are!
This is pro wrestling, buddy. There ain’t no crying, there ain’t no kissing ass!
By the way Ken, I’m totally into your whole asshole thing.
Big words from a guy who changed his name from Brother Ray to Bully Ray because he’s so insecure about his penis size!
You’re an asshole, Jeff!
This is the happiest day of my life!
Always on your back, giving them chubbies!
You know what, Eric? You’re a real son of a bitch!
We must once again become royalty and be loved and cherished by the people. We need to go back to a happier time when it was just you and I and no one stood between us. I’m beginning to understand how you feel, Winter, and tonight – I do this in your honor.
[Scott Steiner’s] been wrestling for 55 years.
I’m cocky from head to toe. I’m the friggin’ cock of this walk!
You know if there’s one thing that I can’t stand, it’s a bully.
Take my chain – this is the one I wrapped around your neck last week.
Leave the birds at home. Did you not hear me? The girls. Or how you say – Los Prostitutos?
We didn’t lose our jobs until this little one starts rubbing her pooty-tang all over the ropes!
Oh my God! They can’t even use the real guy!
It is I, the bacon in her eggs, the man for whom she begs, and the face between her legs… the lyrical miracle, the sexual intellectual, and the quintessential stud muffin… Joel “Lady Gaga advocates celibacy. What an absolute disgrace. If she won’t let me stuff her muff, then I’ll just poke her face” Gertner!
I’m sick and tired of Winter’s voodoo magic bullshit!
I am so jacked, bro!
Does it look like I’m running a ho house?
I’m scared of needles, bro. Pray with me. Pray with me, bro!
I messed up. I made a mistake and I am so sorry for that.
If you can beat me I’ll give the company back to you and Dixie Carter!
Whatcha gonna do when Hulk Hogan and Sting run wild on you?!
Why would Ronnie from the Jersey Shore hang out with an Amish hamster like you?
You’re a disgrace!
Want me to hurt him more?
I’m begging him to shave that bush on his face.
That’s how you treat a brother? Bullshit!
He’s massive – with that Rod Stewart haircut…
And in seeing that you’re an asshole and assholes are usually in the behind and they stink…
First off all, why do you have to be so violent?
Are you saying that I stink?
I think it’s funny that a guy who takes a bump and tears his back tells me that I don’t know how to wrestle.
Hey, send the nurse back to the hotel!
A few weeks ago when I attacked you from behind, I hit you so hard I thought I gave myself a concussion.
Whoa – wait a minute. I don’t need you to think about me when you go to bed at night.
Well that shouldn’t be a problem – there’s nothing there to hurt.
After I beat your little boyfriend, I’m coming after you at Against All Odds, champ.
You want to play with the big girls? Come on!
I missed you!
I turn heads. I break necks. I’ll do a back flip right now and break your neck if I have to!
It’s a sour, pissy smell.
Oh my God. Look at this sloppy mess!
What? Did you eat your way in here?
Two guys whose best tag team maneuver was rubbing each other with baby oil before their matches.
This is going to be sloppy.
Don West: I’m telling you there is an alliance going on in there. Too many people are working together!
Ed Ferrara: Look, don’t let that fool you, Don. There may be alliances now, but that’s all going out the window when it comes down to the last few.
Don West: Kinda like the Survivor Series.
Well, well, well… It is I the Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel “I’m a licker not a biter and for a girl with me it’s going to be an all-nighter; I’m a lover, not a fighter, but I never need a writer” Gertner.
Oh give me a break, will ya!
If all of these crackers in Huntsville, Alabama would be quiet for a moment…
Knock the bass out of your voice right now.
The guy looks like a director from Vivid Films.
If you hit me, I’ll sue you!
I admire his mustache.
To me he looks like a reject from a 1970′s porn flick.
Robbie T. is in the gym. I gave Robbie T. the night off because he’s been working hard, bro. He works 24/7. He lives in my house. He stands outside by bedroom door every night.
TNAStars tweets: Bro, how bad does SoCal Val want Robbie E. right now? She’s damn near salivating. #ImpactPOST
I think his pacemaker might have shattered!
There’s not enough blue pills that can help this guy!
I think Earl might be shocked stiff!
It’s been since probably 1915 since he had a kiss like that – he was 21 at the time!
Look at that devlish grin on Earl Hebner!
Oh, rigor mortis is setting in.
He’s a sympathizer, but that’s…
His repo business is doing great!
It’s a tough task suplexing Bully Ray. I’ve been there – except he was about 4 bills when I did it!
And to all the people who doubted me, I say you take the word fluke, you erase the “e,” and you go fluk yourself!
This is the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen!
I would have punched Joey last week, but I just didn’t want to get asshole all over my hand.
Aces and 8s… you better not.
I’m not just f’ing pretty, I’m pretty f’ing dangerous!
Bully! Get the tables!
These are my girlfriends!
You want to celebrate? Win the match. And then you can celebrate all by yourself. Yay…
Seems to be the new fad if your name is AJ…
Maybe you’d be Mrs. Brooke McMahon.
You didn’t have to settle for the turkey. A Double would have given you all the stuffing you could handle!
Hulk! I’m laying down right here on your desk and I’m not moving until you get back here and take care of business! Ah! Man, this seems uncomfortable. How? I don’t know how anybody can lay on this thing! Brooke, how do you do it? Maybe it’s more comfortable on your stomach. Nah, that doesn’t work either.
I been doing touchscreens since 1986, bro!
When you’re dealing with Matt Morgan and the big organ, size matters!
Somebody get him a Midol, please.
I remember I wrestled a tag team in the late 80s in Parsippany dressed like these guys.
And your boyfriend could use another sock in his shorts.
So go ‘head call me rookie, find out what I’m packin’, cause I’m the only reason for some Total Nonstop Action!
I’m Bully Ray. I am the President of the Aces and 8s. And I am the TNA World Heavyweight Champion.
Hey Devon – let that stupid bitch cry. Hulk – I used you. Brooke – I screwed you.
Off the top of the State of Texas. He almost hit Oklahoma!
When you ride with the Aces and 8s, you’ll NEVER walk alone!
You make me sick.
There is no “we” any more!
Why don’t you go sit in the rafters for a couple years?
Hug it out! Hug it out!
And by the way – I never heard Andre the Giant come out here and whine like a little bitch!
I am not looking to pin your shoulders to the mat… I could care less about stealing the show. I have one thing — and one thing only on mind – an eye for an eye.
When Mankind was born, the doctor took one look at his face, and one look at his rear end and said ‘My God, Siamese twins!’
Who gives a shit about Fedor? I’m sick of hearing about fucking Fedor. He’s not with the company, he might not ever be with the company, so who gives a shit?
How come I brought down one bag and you brought down three?
That is the biggest man that has ever been on top of Patterson.
Rick Steiner is so stupid, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
I’ve got the brass, to fire your ass!
That man MVP is now about as bitter as a Pennsylvania primary voter except instead of clinging to guns and religion, he clings to the chance of earning World Heavyweight Championship gold.
Did you just say ‘Have mercy?’
Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks! Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks! Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks! Let’s go Cena! Cena sucks!
Everyone wants to know what the Rock thinks about the homeless. Well, as long as they keep their cardboard boxes off The Rock’s freshly manicured lawn, everything will be copacetic.
Look, I promise, I’ll be champion for the next century.
Hello Jerry. I didn’t recognize you without your sandwich.
Look at me, I’m Rey Maestrio, I’ma taller than the Hornswoggle. I like cookies. Booyaka, Booyaka!
*pew-pew* look at me, ah! *pew-pew* I’m-a Baptista! *pew* I shoot-a lasers from my hands like I’m eight-years-old!”
Did you try the Pepsi machine?
Your choices are: my friend Rodney the Piper; The Golden Dust; or The Honky Donkey Man.
What is his obsession with water? Look at me I’m Triple H. I’m Cerebral Asinine! I’m like a big fontaine! You throw pennies to me and you can make a wish! Worship me people, because I have mastered the ability to spit.
Oh look who we have here… Mr Snoopy-The-Dogg… And your friend here he has the Brain Damage, Charlie Brown.
My name is Santino and I’m from Europe/I like my pancakes with maple syrup. I lost my title to William Regal/His knee to my head should have been illegal. Now I’m healthy and it is vital/I want back my IC title.
Santino: How did you get so many Q’s?
Shaq: Don’t worry about it.
This is Sky Lo Lo’s seat here.
What a maneuver!
Is this right, Phil? I can call you ‘Phil,’ right? I mean come on – hey come on! You want to open this sucker up, let’s open it up, okay?
I want you to bring back the WWE ice cream bars… Look at that – I just made you a million dollars in ice cream sales.
I want WWE Films to immediately start production on CM Punk the movie. You can call it The Chaperone 2 except that mine will be funny and entertaining and successful.
And one last thing – the main event of WrestleMania being John Cena against your buddy Dwayne. That’s The Rock for nobody who watches bad Disney movies.
You don’t know what makes a superstar in 2011! You don’t know what these people want!
Come on! I’ve eaten a crap sandwich out here!
We want ice cream! We want ice cream!
I don’t give a damn what you people want!
If there was ever an appropriate time… What?
Pick it up and sign it before the stock plummets some more.
Colt Cabana! Colt Cabana!
He’s your son for God’s sake, you rotund demon!
Vickie, you are just throwing your weight around… and that weight is pretty considerable.
Which was more disappointing and unsatisfying? The fact that John won’t talk to you any more or all of those nights in his hotel room?
Pat – when he starts getting on his knees, I start getting scared.
I don’t need anybody to come in here and tell me how to run my own wrestling company. I mean good Lord! I don’t need any Vince, I don’t need any has-been Eric Bischoff, I don’t need any Mr. Stephanie Levesque, and I don’t need those good ‘ol boy Jarretts! How can they tell me to do anything better when I am the best the industry’s ever seen?!
Okay, carte blanche, guys – that means like ‘blank check’ in trailer talk.
I’m the Darth Vader of the wrestling business… and you ain’t no Luke Skywalker.
You’re no more than a big, dumb bitch!
The world needs us – we’re the Carters!
I’m a one-line machine. I’m like Henny Youngman!
He does not belong here – Mr. Anderson. He’s a vagrant. And a runt.
Hell, even The Undertaker couldn’t do what I did.
Hebner probably doesn’t hear it. Ha ha ha!
Looks like he’s saving on a gym membership as well… BUT I DIGRESS!
Look at the head on JB, huh?
The bow tie came off – that’s like the strap coming down
Kong was a diva. She brought her own brand of karma to WWE.
You’re fired! You’re fired! F – I – R… You’re fired!
You going to call me my government, huh?
I’m not a world champion any more and I still do whatever I want!