iMPACT Wrestling Results (8/2): Baby Showers and Appletinis


Impact Wrestling

Opening Segment
Impact Wrestling starts off this week with Austin Aries and Bobby Roode brawling on the stage while  Kenny King and Zema Ion are trading punches down the ramp on their way to the ring. Mike Tenay hypes that you can’t miss a second of Impact Wrestling. They started fighting backstage during the credits of the show before this, then after a lengthy altercation at ringside, Aries chases Roode into the ring to start our opening match.

World Champion Austin Aries & Kenny King vs Bobby Roode & X Division Champion Zema Ion

Roode quickly tags out to Ion and bails to the floor as Ion jumps Aries from behind. Aries recovers and he tags in King so they can hit a double team airplane spin, followed by a springboard legdrop off the bottom rope by King for two. King and Aries hit a catapult into a forearm/slingshot twisting elbow. Aries comes off the ropes with a pumping elbowdrop for two, then he tags out to King and King hits multiple chops on the X Division Champion. King connects with a shoulderblock to Ion in the corner, then he whips Ion hard across the ring and covers him for a two count. King slams Ion and tags in Aries so he can hit a slingshot twisting splash for two. King comes back in with a snap suplex for two, but King hits the ropes and gets a knee in the back from Roode. King slows down just enough for Ion to take a run at him, but King moves out of the way and Ion nails Roode off the apron. Roode quickly recovers and drags King out to the floor and rams him into the ring apron, allowing Ion to hit a big dive over the top rope and then cover King in the ring for two. Roode whips King hard into the corner and unloads with hard right hands and a vertical suplex followed by a kneedrop out of the corner for two. Roode takes a cheapshot at Aries and then Ion comes in for an illegal switch while the referee is occupied with Aries. Ion continues unloading on King in the corner as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

King fights Ion off the top rope and goes for something, but Roode shoves him off the ropes and King tumbles hard out to the floor. Roode brings King back inside and rams him into the corner again before drilling him in the kidneys with a right hand. Ion back in and gets King in a front facelock, but King escapes and gets a high cradle suplex and makes the hot tag, but Roode distracted the ref, so no tag. King gets double teamed again while Aries argues with the ref. King fights his way free a second time and takes Ion out with a twisting enziguiri for two, Roode comes in to nail King but eats a missile dropkick from Aries. Aries goes for the dive through the ropes but Ion nails him, so Aries clotheslines Ion, hits the dive through the ropes, and King hits the Royal Flush on Ion for the win.

Winners by Pinfall: Austin Aries & Kenny King

What would normally be the opening recap video as was played. From there, we go backstage where the cameraman asks Sting for his thoughts on Aces & Eights and their relationship with James Storm, and Sting says he’s not going to jump to conclusions because he wants to hear it right from the horse’s mouth.

((Jarrett’s Jab – I appreciate mixing it up with a match rather than a long promo to open up the show. I don’t like how TNA is using twitter. It’s like they’re trying to be like the WWE in terms of social media on shows and it gets annoying quick. If they’re going to show fan tweets on the show, can you at least make it a ticker like a news program so you can ignore it if you want to. Plus they could promote stuff for later in the show to keep matches on people’s minds without huge graphics.))

-Commercial Break-

Sting comes out to the ring and asks James Storm to come out to the ring. Sting tells Storm that he didn’t want to believe when Bobby Roode pointed the finger at Storm with the Aces & Eights gang, but Sting shows us the footage of last week when Aces and Eights ran in and attacked AJ Styles, Sting, Aries, and Kurt Angle, but headed for the hills when Storm ran in to make the save. Sting wants to know if Storm has anything to do with Aces & Eights, but all Storm saw was a bunch of cowards heading for the hills when he came in to kick some ass. He and Sting have known each other for a long time and have fought each other many times, but Storm has never needed anyone to fight his battles. But then again, Storm was jumped from behind by Kurt Angle and he didn’t complain about it, he asked for seconds and he went on to beat the greatest wrestler in the history of TNA three out of four times, and one of those times was for the World Title, and he didn’t need a damn soul to do it. Kurt’s music hits and he apologizes for interrupting, but he heard his name. He says that he and Storm have been through a lot this year, but all he knows was that he was jumped before he came out to wrestle Storm, then AJ Styles and even the referee got laid out but Storm was left untouched. Then Aces & Eights came out later in the show and kicked everyone’s asses, and he comes running out and eight…count ’em, EIGHT guys ran away from Storm. Angle dares Aces & Eights to come out during his match tonight, and Sting says he hopes they show up because he’s going to be at ringside as well. Angle finishes by telling Storm that he’s going to make him tap out, but Storm says that we’ll see about that.

Taz and Tenay narrates pictures of AJ Styles from Twitter doing promotional work for TNA . Unfortunately from there, we have look at what happened a couple of weeks ago when Claire Lynch showed up with pictures of her and AJ. Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian are backstage cracking jokes about AJ fleeing the country and undoubtedly sticking his shrimp in a Barbie. Daniels pulls an appletini from his locker and they decide to throw a little baby shower for Claire later tonight. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Although I don’t like Claire Lynch, seeing Daniels on a mic is almost worth the pain. And I enjoy an appletini myself now and then, although mine is of the Crystal Lite variety, no sugar of course…At least that’s what they told me at Sam’s Club.))

-Commercial Break-

Mike Tenay and Taz talk about the three hardcore-themed four way matches that will take place at Hardcore Justice, with the winner of each picking up a big 20 points in the Bound For Glory Series.  Bully Ray comes out to the ring, tweeting the whole way down. Ray says that he’s been here six years and he’s never trusted James Storm, so he’ll be watching his match with Kurt Angle later tonight.

Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray (7 Points) vs Robbie E (5 Points)

Robbie T blindsides Bully Ray with a cheapshot before the match starts, and E quickly tries to capitalize but only gets a 2 count. Robbie E starts slapping Bubba around, and Tay hits a Ray Cutter out of nowhere to win the match.

Winner by Pinfall: Bully Ray (Gains 7 Points, Now has 14Points)

Backstage, Earl Hebner gives Madison Rayne candy, flowers and a teddy bear, and Madison says she doesn’t need any presents, just his affection. Gail Kim comes in to ask what’s going on, and Madison assures her that Earl is a professional and would never show bias, then wishes Gail luck.

-Commercial Break-

Miss Tessmacher makes her way to the commentary desk to commentate and scout the following four-way match that will determine the new number one contender to the Knockout Championship. Taz and Tessmacher discuss Hebner blatantly favoring Madison Rayne last week.

-Commercial Break-

Number One Contenders Match for the Knockouts Championship: Tara vs. Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim vs. Mickie James

Tara goes straight for Gail Kim and goes for a roll-up, but doesn’t even get a one count. Kim dumps Tara over the top rope. Tessmacher puts over all four women in the match by talking about how tough they are and talks about how much of a firecracker Mickie is. Tenay notes that this is sudden death as Madison Rayne hits a neckbreaker on Tara. Kim covers Tara for two, and Madison does the same thing before Tara gets a right hand to both and Mickie grabs Kim and slides her to the outside, but eats the steel steps with a hard Irish Whip. Madison covers Tara again for two and cinches in a chinlock while Gail kicks Mickie back to the outside. Uppercut by Kim to Tara and both Maidsona nd Kim Irish Whip Tara in the corner, but Kim lands left shoulder into the steel post. Roll-up by Madison for two and Mickie comes out with a neckbreaker to Madison for two. Kim slides in the ring and roll-ups Mickie for two before arguing with Earl Hebner. Gail nails a back breaker on Mickie and Tara hits a springboard leg drop from the outside in on Kim for a very close two count. The crowd gets firmly behind Tara as she hits a scoop slam and goes up top, only to be stopped with right hands from Madison. Mickie grabs Madison’s leg and makes her taste canvas before making her taste the top turnbuckle too. Kim hits a superplex on Tara and now all four knockouts are down. Kim crawls over Tara for a pin, but Madison is hitting on Earl to distract him. Mickie dumps Kim to the outside and hits a series of running clothslines on Madison and hits a DDT. Mickie climbs up top, but Kim makes her lose balance. Tara hits Widows peak on Tara and was able to counter Madison’s finisher into a rollthrough for three. Even though Tara’s shoulder was up, Earl raises Madison’s hand for the win.

Winner by Pinfall: Madison Rayne

A replay of what Kurt Angle said earlier to James Storm about asking his motives and telling Storm that he will make him tap out tonight.

Bobby Roode is backstage and said that he wasn’t lying when he said that James Storm is behind Aces and Eights, and since Sting will be at ringside, so will the It Factor of Professional Wrestling will be too. The camera zooms out to reveal Austin Aries behind a column a few feet behind Roode. Roode walks away and Aries comes out from hiding and talks about how big of a party is apparently going down tonight and says that if Roode is going, so is A Double.

Sting is backstage with Brooke Hogan in his office, and says that he needs to know how he physically doing. Brooke says she’s never seen her dad not being able to fight back for the first time in her life. Sting tells her that he doesn’t know who sent them, but Hogan asked him to watch after her and he needs to know how she’s feeling. Brooke says that she doesn’t know how she feels and doesn’t know if they are cominga fter her next. A delivery man sends her a vanilla envelope with the Dead Man’s hand taped on a sheet of cardboard. Brooke storms out. Backstage in a hallway, Chavo Guerrero, Jr. is getting ready for his Impact Wrestling debut.

((Jarrett’s Jab – I like that Miss Tessmacher is getting challengers that you could look at what they’re doing on TV, and think they could walk out champion. Gail Kim’s reign was damaged because she had no challengers that you could believe in before Tessmacher. From Gail Kim, to Mickie James, to Madison Rayne having Earl Hebner in her pocket, it’s another Knockout that on paper could be the next Knockout Champion. As for Brooke Hogan, every that reads my reports know that I’m not a fan of her at all, but I am glad she’s not being left out of the Aces and Eights. If these people are trying to destroy or take over TNA, the head of the Knockouts shouldn’t be exempt.))

-Commercial Break-

Backstage ODB and Eric Young are talking about how Brooke Hogan has been on her ass because they haven’t defended the belts in two months and that Eric is a man. Eric rambles about his new show and grabs one of the belts and says if they’re never together at the same time, she can’t make them defend the belts. EY runs away and ODB asks aloud where her fried chicken is. ((Jarrett’s Jab – So they don’t want to defend the belts, then why don’t they get stripped of the belts. This is getting ridiculous.))

Chavo Guerrero Jr. (with Hernandez) vs. Kid Kash (with Gunner)

Chavo starts the match with a single leg and a headlock, Kash slips out and knocks Chavo down with a shoulderblock before mimicking the Guerrero Shimmy. Chavo cinches in an armbar but Kash gets to his feet and nails a few right hands before Chavo gets a few uppercuts in and a Irish Whip. Chavo goes for the Three Amigos (three rolling vertical suplexes), but Kash fights out and starts hitting some mounted right hands to the third generation superstar. Chavo gets to his feet and hits some right hands before getting goozled and dropped to the mat by Kid Kash. The crowd starts chanting for Chavo as Kash goes to the top rope for a moonsault, but Chavo gets the feet up. Chavo starts running through Kash with shoulderblocks and a dropkick for two. Chavo goes to the apron and shoots in with a  corkscrew splash for two. Gunner jumps on the apron and so does Hernandez. Kash kicks the left knee out from Chavo and Chavo connects with the Three Amigos and Taz notes that it’s a tribue to Eddie Guerrero. Guerrero lands the frogsplash for three.

Winner by Pinfall: Chavo Guerrero, Jr.

Dixie Carter is backstage and is asked about the whole AJ Styles/Claire situation. Dixie says that it is way past time for AJ Styles to set the record straight. In another hallway, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian (rocking an awesome Roar button-up shirt by the way) carry presents and Tenay hypes the Tag Team Champions throwing AJ Styles a baby shower.

-Commercial Break-

Kurt Angle is backstage exchanging pleasantries with Wes Brisco, who wants to be a pro wrestler and wants Angle to put in a good word for him with Hogan. Devon and Garett Bischoff come in and say that they’re not going to let Aces & Eights attack Angle a third time and they’ll be at ringside as well.

Daniels and Kazarian are in the ring saying that AJ Styles is on the other side of the world and is undoubtedly impregnating someone, but right now they’d like to invite Claire Lynch into the ring for a baby shower. They give her a Person of Honor necklace as they sit her down, and Daniels knows how important it is to be pregnant because he’s got two beautiful children of his own. AJ’s treating her like crap, so they got her a bunch of presents and they want her to have them. Claire seems truly happy as they give her diapers, AJ Styles action figures, pictures of Uncle Chris, and championship belts like the ones Uncle Chris and Uncle Frankie have (kind of, except neither of them ever held the old TNA World Heavyweight Championship), and also a baby doll dressed like AJ Styles complete with minature hooded vest. Claire looks like she’s having the time of her life as Daniels assures her they just want to be there for her, then she looks into the camera and tells AJ that the baby is coming and to DO THE RIGHT THING FOR OUR BABY, AJ!! ((Jarrett’s Jab – I think that everyone can agree that Claire Lynch is absolutely horrible, but the only good side is I get to see more Daniels and Kazarian and there the only people in this whole story that can act. Plus at least the Tag Champions here get air time in a major story.))

Joseph Park is backstage and the cameraman that he’s done in the ring, but he’s been retained to represent several TNA talents. He sees Sting and tries to offer him his services as well, but Sting says he’s covered and instead wants to know how Park hit such a textbook Black Hole Slam. Park says he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and gets Sting to take a picture with him.

-Commercial Break-

After taking a moment to run down the BFG Series matches scheduled for next week, it’s main event time!

Bound For Glory Series: James Storm (45 Points) vs Kurt Angle (41 Points)

Wes Brisco is sitting at ringside as Storm and Angle trade wristlocks and headlocks. Storm runs Angle over with a shoulderblock as we see a Tweet from Bobby Roode, who still insists that Storm is behind Aces & Eights. They go to the mat as Storm gets a hammerlock and Angle tries in vain to escape as Sting makes his way down to ringside. Angle gets a shoulderblock and comes off the ropes into a hiptoss and an armdrag by Storm, who again bars up Angle’s arm. Now Devon and Garett Bischoff come out to ringside as Storm hits a Thesz Press on Angle. Storm with a clothesline, Angle with a clothesline of his own and he blocks the Last Call and stomps Storm down and chokes him in the corner with his boot. Angle with an overhead release suplex as Bully Ray comes out of the crowd. Ray shoots dirty looks at Devon as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

Storm is putting the boots to Angle as we come back from commercial and drags him into the ring over the second rope for an hanging DDT. Bobby Roode comes down to ringside now and is soon joined by the TNA World Heavyweight Champion Austin Aries, who looks around as he comes to the ring. Storm hotshots Angle on the top rope, then hits a leaping enziguiri and tries a clothesline, but Angle ducks under and comes around behind Storm for a series of rolling German suplexes. Storm counters the Angle Slam to an armdrag, but Angle hits as uperkick for two. Angle takes the straps down and goes for an anklelock, but Storm rolls through and hits a Slam for two. Storm tries a Codebreaker, but Angle blocks and counters to an anklelock. Storm tries desperately to escape, but Angle drags Storm back out to the middle of the ring and cranks on the hold. Storm is refuses to submit and almost makes the ropes, but Angle drags him right back out to the middle. Taz says that Storm has too much heart to tap out and Storm finally manages to kick Angle in the head to break the hold. Storm hits the Last Call out of nowhere and pins Angle.

Winner by Pinfall: James Storm (Gains 7 Points, Now has 52 Points)

Everyone at ringside starts looking around for Aces & Eights to try and sneak attack but they’re nowhere to be found. Storm is now at the top of the leader board, and he and Angle shake hands as Storm takes the microphone and says that the gang is all here, and invites Aces & Eights out to the ring to get it on. They don’t show up, and Roode gets a microphone and says that they’re not showing up because he won his match and didn’t need them tonight. Roode insists that he knows Storm better than he knows himself, and to just admit that he’s behind Aces & Eights. This leads to Storm brawling with Bully Ray and Aries brawling with Roode as the credits roll.

((Jarrett’s Jab – Unless they are still toying with who will lead the Aces and Eights group, I highly doubt it will be James Storm, but I’m glad that TNA is teasing it’s someone. Storm looking guilty as the BFG Series continues is great TV and his ultimate redemption will be great TV and hopefully will gain him more fans than he walked in with. That’s it for tonight, thank you for reading TNAStars Impact Wrestling report and be sure to go to the TNAStars homepage and scroll down to Multimedia to watch for a Funny or Die video featuring Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam if you’re in need for a good laugh. If that actually happened in the Olympics, I would actually watch it.))