iMPACT Wrestling Results (6/30): The Joker Card


Impact Wrestling

Opening Segment
We look back at last week when Sting (who has gone mad) confronted Eric Bischoff, gave him every finisher in the book, called him a cockroach, and painted his face red, only for Bischoff to no-sell and make a Sting-Abyss match later in the evening.

Hulk Hogan is backstage thanking Scott Steiner for Immortal and sends him out to the ring, only to be confronted by Sting laughing maniacally on a wide screen TV and taunting him with stories about monsters under his bed.

Hogan goes out to the ring to call out Ken Anderson. Anderson comes out and Hogan offers him two options: face Sting with Immortal backing him up, or do it on his own like usual. If he does the second, he’ll get beaten and embarrassed by Sting and he’ll leave without a shred of cockiness or confidence. Anderson finds this unlikely since he beat Sting all by himself to win the title at Slammiversary, but Hogan reminds Anderson that he only won the title because Eric Bischoff helped him. Hogan says Anderson owes him one, but Anderson says he doesn’t owe Hogan a damn thing, and regardless of what Bischoff did, he takes all the credit for his win at Slammiversary because “that’s what an asshole does” and what he’ll do two weeks from now.

Suddenly, Sting is beating Bully Ray, Abyss, and Scott Steiner up on the video wall, and after they’re all laid out, Sting threatens to come find Hogan tonight. Hogan starts to talk, but the lights go out and when they come up, Sting is standing behind Hogan and takes his knees out with his baseball bat. Anderson heads for the hills, so Sting says that July 14 should be called Midsummer Nightmare, and he nails Hogan with the bat again. Sting says he was a Hulk Hogan MARK way back in the day, and he’s here to get the real Hulk Hogan to stand back up, not Hollywood Hogan. He reminds Hogan of the Three Commandments, and says he’s still working out because he still has 21 inch pythons. Sting grabs a bottle full of pills and sits down with his arm around the laid out Hogan, and starts popping pills down Hogan’s throat and his own, then washes them down Hogan’s throat. Then Sting takes a handful of pills and stuffs them down Hogan’s throat, then hooks Hogan in the Scorpion Deathlock. Sting threatens to sit down on it and put Hogan out, but that would mean the end of Hulk Hogan. Before he can finish the sentence, the rest of Immortal comes out. Bully Ray says he can’t stand bullies, and since their paths have never crossed, he’s challenging Sting…on behalf of Scott Steiner.

Ray calls for the music, but Hogan stops it to tell Sting that he’s going to wipe the smile off of Sting’s face tonight. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I don’t care that this is limited commercials, why did we have to sit through an extended Hogan promo. And why is Sting a complete rip off of Heath Ledger’s Joker. It’s alright when wrestlers steal ideas from movies, not when they completely rip them off.))

Mike Tenay and Taz run us down this past week’s results of the Bound For Glory Series, and Crimson is currently in the lead with 17 points, with Gunner right behind him with 14. This leads us into our first match…

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs Brother Devon

They tie up and Devon goes to a wristlock, but Joe takes Devon down with a three quarter nelson and quickly locks in the choke, but Devon makes the ropes. Devon takes Joe to the corner and unloads with right hands and then tries a whip, but Joe bowls him into the corner and hits a leaping enziguiri. Joe hits a snapmare followed by a back chop, kick and a running kneedrop. Joe gets the facewash in the corner, but Devon pops up, spears Joe, then unloads on him with clotheslines and a leaping back elbow. Devon hits an uranage and a leaping headbutt, then charges Joe in the corner with a clothesline and follows it with a leaping clothesline for a two count. Devon measures Joe as he regains his feet, but Joe sees him coming in and boots him in the face, then hits a leaping kneestrike off the middle rope. Joe goes for the pin, but lets him up at two and goes to a heel hook instead to try for the submission points. Devon makes the ropes, so Joe hits an inverted atomic drop and a Yakuza kick off the ropes, and instead of going for the cover he puts Devon in a Kimura Lock. Devon again makes it to the ropes, so Joe hits a snap powerslam and gets a cross armbreaker, but Devon again gets to the ropes. Joe sets Devon up for the Muscle Buster, Devon fights his way out and tries a move off the middle rope, but Joe drills Devon with a kneestrike coming down and hooks the choke again. Devon rolls out of it and hits a spinebuster for three.

Winner by Pinfall: Devon

Joe is in disbelief and this is Devon’s first points in the series. ((Jarrett’s Jab – What in the Blue HELL was that? Samoa Joe losing to resident jobber Devon? Before an all X-Division PPV? Logic Please!))

Pope is backstage with Devon’s kids and celebrating his win, and Pope is going to go find Devon’s wife and celebrate.

Scott Steiner is arguing backstage with Bully Ray, and Ray gives Steiner a good pep talk and reminds him that he’s the Big Bad Booty Daddy.

Kazarian catches Joe returning to the locker room and tells Joe that he’s better than this and he should be out there killing people. Joe calls him a bitch like AJ, and security has to get between them.

We recap the results from the first two matches in the Destination X Tournament, then get comments from Low-Ki, Matt Bentley, and Jimmy Yang as they talk about their history in TNA and the X Division. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I’m not a betting guy, but I can guarantee you this will be better than last week’s car wreck…I mean spot-fest…I mean wrestling match.))

Destination X Tournament: Low-Ki vs Matt Bentley vs Jimmy Yang

Yang is out in his Flying Elvises outfit tonight and Low-Ki gets a big reaction from the crowd. Low-Ki nails a leapfrog into a mule kick on Yang, then Bentley goes after him. Low-Ki hits a handspring crossbody that sends Bentley to the floor, but Yang catches him with a leaping leg lariat. Yang nails a running leg lariat in the corner and then a top rope bodypress for a two count. Matt Bentley comes in and yanks Yang down by his jacket and stomps Low-Ki. Bentley tries to throw Yang to the floor, but Yang tries to skin the cat back in. Bentley sees and decides to ram Low-Ki headfirst into Yang and sends Yang tumbling to the floor. Bentley hits an elbowdrop on Low-Ki that gets a two count, then goes to a rear chinlock. Low-Ki fights his way out, but Bentley clotheslines him to the floor. Bentley goes out after Ki and Yang dives high and wipes out Low-Ki on the floor. Yang sends Ki back in and covers for two, but then Low-Ki gets a crucifix for two. Yang quickly nails Ki with a leg lariat for two, but eats Low-Ki’s boot on a charge, then Low-Ki unloads on Yang with stiff kicks. Low-Ki sunset flips Yang and rolls through into a double stomp on Yang, then hits the Tidal Crush on Bentley. Low-Ki covers Bentley for two, but misses a corner charge on Yang and Yang hits a series of kicks for two. Bentley pops up and wipes both men out with an Ace Crusher/DDT combo, then kills Low-Ki with the Head-On Collision for a two count. Bentley goes up top, but Yang catches him coming down and hits a gutbuster, then tries Yang Time, but Bentley moves. Low-Ki quickly capitalizes by going up top and hits the Warrior’s Way for the win.

Winner by Pinfall: Low-Ki

((Jarrett’s Jab – An awesome match, should have so bet someone on this!))

-Commercial Break-

We see a video package with the X Division guys talking about what the division has meant to TNA and how much it means for them to get their own PPV. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Know what would be better? Letting them have promo time and matches to hype that PPV instead of letting us suffer through Hogan/Sting for the majority of the program. Add in the fact that one isn’t a wrestler, one is very limited, the #1 Contender to the Championship is nowhere to be seen, and Jeff Jarrett is the Heavyweight Champion of Mexico!))

Madison Rayne is backstage fixing herself up in the mirror and running her mouth about Tara. Winter and Angelina Love come in and Madison accuses them of stealing her lip gloss. Angelina says that her relationship with Winter isn’t synthetic anymore, it’s the real thing and Winter appreciates her.

We go backstage where Samoa Joe is beating the crap out of Frankie Kazarian, then Hulk Hogan is backstage taping his fists and saying that Sting’s embarrassed him for the last time.

Elimination Match: Winter, Angelina Love & Madison Rayne vs Winter, Miss Tessmacher & Mickie James

Mickie beats Winter down and tears off her belt, but Angelina goes after her and hits the Yonge Street Plunge before she can nail Winter with it. Tessmacher comes in and goes after Angelina, but Angelina yanks her down by the hair and unloads in the corner with kicks. Winter tags in and gouges the eyes, but Tessmacher moves out of the way of a charge and stomps Winter down before ramming her ass in Winter’s face. Angelina distracts Tessmacher from the outside, and Winter hits a Northern Light suplex to eliminate Miss Tessmacher. Tara comes in with her pizza delivery hat on and lays Winter out and does her ass shaking standing moonsault for two. Tara gets a Tarantula on Winter, but Madison baseball slides her in the face and sets her up so Winter and Angelina can hit a Samoan Drop/Botox Injection combo. Winter goes for the cover, but Madison tosses Winter to the floor and steals the win for herself. Mickie’s 3-on-1, but Angelina and Winter stalk Madison and allow Mickie to superkick Madison and get the win. Mickie immediately goes after Winter, but takes it 2-on-1 from Angelina and Winter. They beat her down , but they miss the double team they beat Tara with and Mickie sunset flips Winter for two. Mickie tries the leaping DDT on Angelina, but Winter with a backbreaker and then Angelina hits a 90 degree lungblower. Angelina goes for the win, but Winter tells her that she’s had her turn and now it’s Winter’s turn. The conversation lasts long enough for Mickie to recover and lay both of them out. Mickie with a neckbreaker to eliminate Angelina, but Winter rolls Mickie up with a handful of jeans for 2. Mickie hits the leaping DDT on Winter and gets the win.

Winner by Pinfall: Mickie James

Gunner is backstage and says that he wants it all, and tonight he’ll win his series against AJ Styles and prove that he can be World Champion.

-Commercial Break-

We see a video package hyping Abyss vs Brian Kendrick, then we go to the ring where Jeremy Borash introduces the contract signing for the Christopher Daniels-AJ Styles main event at Destination X. AJ asks Daniels if he’s sure he wants to do this, and Daniels responds by signing the contract and saying this isn’t personal, it’s about the X Division. AJ is worried it’ll become personal, but Daniels says they want to take the X Division to the next level and they’re the best men to headline the show, and no matter who wins, Daniels will shake the hand of his best friend after it’s over. AJ signs and the match is official, but then Jerry Lynn comes out and says he doesn’t want to hear people bicker over who built the X Division because they all built it and it was about giving the fans something special and giving them wrestling. Rob Van Dam comes out and says that he was being called a pioneer before any of them were in the business and he was X Division before there was an X Division. Jerry Lynn reminds him that he stood toe to toe with RVD for a full year, but Daniels calms him down and says that none of them invented the X Division, but they all damn sure perfected it. Daniels says that Daniels-AJ and RVD-Lynn headlining Destination X may make it the best PPV of all time, then suggests that next week, they can do a four corner match with the four of them. Everyone agrees, and the match is on for next week.

Everyone starts to head to the back, but Gunner suddenly comes out of nowhere and attacks AJ, then rolls him into the ring where AJ recovers and tosses Gunner to the floor. Referee Earl Hebner comes into the ring and calls for the bell, and we’re off…

Bound For Glory Series: AJ Styles vs Gunner

AJ rams Gunner from corner to corner and hits a leaping forearm. AJ with a snapmare and stiff kick to the back, followed by the swanky kneedrop. AJ with a backdrop suplex and then rams Gunner to the corner, but Gunner nearly goes through him with a flying knee that gets two. Gunner tries a powerbomb, but AJ slips through, hits the Pelé Kick to send Gunner to the apron, and a baseball slide drives Gunner to the floor. AJ hits his flip dive and wipes Gunner out, then rolls him back in where Gunner wipes him out with a clothesline. AJ comes right back with a superkick and slams Gunner, then goes to the apron. He tries for a springboard move, but Gunner stops him by pulling the referee in front. AJ stops short and Gunner shoves the referee out of the way and kicks the middle rope into AJ’s groin, then hits the F5 for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Gunner

Gunner now leads the Bound for Glory Series.

We go to a video package showing highlights of the X Division throughout the years, with a focus on the Ultimate X, then we go backstage to Sting, who says Steiner’s in the wrong place at the wrong time.

-Commercial Break-

We see a video package looking at the history of the Velvet Sky-ODB feud and the addition of Miss Jackie to the situation. We go backstage to Velvet, who says she’s been bullied her entire life and she’s always had to fight for everything she wanted to accomplish. She’s not as weak as she once was, and next week she’ll face both of them in a handicap match and after that, they’ll be gone from Impact Wrestling and she’ll be done with them. ((Jarrett’s Jab – It’s like TNA saw the interview where Randy Orton called the WWE Diva’s Champion a slut in the future, decided to amp it up, and put the garbage on TV for a month.))

Mexica America come out and Anarquia says that all of us accuse them of being liars and criminals, and he wants to know why they’re not in the Bound For Glory Series when Beer Money are. The British Invasion comes out and Magnus points out that they’re also foreigners, but they’re proud of who they are and where they’re from, and that they have careers in the USA. They don’t like people who come to another country and expect to have everything handed to them just for showing up, and Mexican America hasn’t earned it. There’s one team they haven’t beaten in Impact Wrestling because they haven’t beaten the British Invasion and they won’t because the British Invasion conducts their business face to face like men, and they challenge Mexican America to a tag match to determine the real #1 contenders to Beer Money. Magnus tells them to grow a set and leave las prostitutas at home. Rosita spits in Magnus’ face and slaps him, and a brawl breaks out with Mexican America beating Magnus and Williams down. Suddenly, Rob Terry runs out to make the save. Mexican America bails out to the floor as Rob Terry looks at them all angry.

We go to Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle in Mexico City, and they’ve spent a week in paradise, and when they get back, they have presents for Hulk and Eric. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Glad they are making the fact that Jarrett is the new AAA Heavyweight Champion a.k.a. Heavyweight Champion of Mexico a big deal because it should be. He’s actually the first American-born wrestler to hold the belt.))

Bully Ray is in the locker room rallying the troops and gives Gunner the rest of the night off because he won again, then he pulls Abyss away from his porno mag to come out to ringside. Abyss can’t find his mask, and slams the door shut so he can find it.

Sting vs Scott Steiner

Steiner goes after Sting during introductions and beats him down in the corner, then hits a belly to belly suplex for two. Steiner with an elbowdrop and the pushups, then goes back to working Sting over in the corner. Steiner tries a charge and Sting gets the boot up, then fires back with right hands and hits a series of clotheslines and a bulldog for two. Sting goes for the Stinger Splash, but Steiner catches him coming in and counters to a Flatliner for two. Steiner gets Sting in the Recliner, but Sting slips out and gets Steiner in the Scorpion Deathlock, but Steiner makes the ropes. Steiner with a T-bone suplex, but Sting reverses a whip and hits the Scorpion Deathdrop for the win.

Winner: Sting

Sting comes after Steiner with the face paint, Bully Ray tries to make the save, but Sting lays him out and goes after Ray with the paint. Anderson runs in and low blows Sting from behind, then hits an awkward Mic Check that looks like it dropped Sting on the top of his head. Anderson leaves and Ray and Steiner beat Sting down 2-on-1. Hulk Hogan’s music hits and he comes out to the ring. Steiner and Ray hold Sting for Hogan and Hogan drills him with a taped right hand, but Kurt Angle runs out to make the save and fights Immortal off. Hogan yells angry things at Angle from the aisle as the show comes to an end. ((Jarrett’s Jab – YAY! The Number One Contender is actually on TV! This is exactly what I feared when Kurt won the #1 Contendership. The match was pathetic, but that’s what TNA gets for throwing two limited wrestlers together in a match. Liked the Limited Commercial show, but hated most what I saw during that time. I think Paul Heyman had a great idea by limiting the amount of legends on the roster, that was at least half of the show right there, and that was centered around three!))